Tuesday, May 23, 2006

in life, there are times where we have to make choices... through choices, comes true love... i love you..

Red Rain somehow ended up on the same day as my school family day.. somehow things is not going smoothly... it is compulsary...i am going to get detention or some other thing...besides tat i would really upset people in my class if i do not go...i really wanted to do my part for the class so i requested for morning shift where i could still go for both...but ,my request was declined... it ended up with drawing lots... i prayed... and indeed i got the morning shift..but some people were uncooperative thus causing them to arrange for us.. now i do not know which shift i am in but no matter wat happens i am still going for Red Rain... but still i am afraid of killing all my friendships in class...i noe i cant have the best of both worlds... i got to choose...
there is no delima.. i noe where i am going...i noe it in my heart, and i will not be wavered... i am going for the Red Rain concert because i noe it is where i really want to be,--lost in his presence once again...missing Red Rain means missing a chance to see a miracle come to pass where people's life are changed.. seeing those hands lifted up is a sight which would always be ignited in our hearts..such an amazing site... i can already picture it...but somehow, i really yearn for someone to assure me that i did the right thing, to tell me well done!! u have done well..

you are my NO#1!! you can neva be replaced... NEVA...to the ends of the earth...=)

12/5/06
The vedio we saw todae was amazing... the atmosphere was so powerful!! that vision was undiscribable... a piece of art work...flawless.. so beautiful...

You make what seem impossible possible and even better!!

13/5/06
I went to polly's house to bake lazagna for Pastor Lia for mother's day. It was real fun!!=) we really should do this some other time soon!! Pastors said the lazagna was nice!! We even got a hug from Pastor each... it was such a wonderful feeling...
After that i was doing Building Maintainance(Bm) and again i learned something from Ivan. i was cleaning the dustbin in the art gallery when Ivan walked in and insisted that he wanted to help.. of coze i felt very pai sei... like i am suppose to clean up than i make people do like tat...(but it is real fun cleaning up dustbins... u guys must try!!) but he made this statement which really inspired me ' I really miss doing BM. It has been such a long time since i did it' it just felt like wow this guy is real amazing!! you can see how much he valued and love every single bit of the church and it was really like a home to him. It was that wantingness to serve out of love which many people really lack. some people serve as if it is a chore. but right now i challange all of u to start loving your ministry and serve whole heartedly with a passion like never before.. the feeling is so different and you really would learn much with that hunger=)

in the toughest time i still believe and have faith because that way, i know how much i need u and how much i depend on you...only you satisfy my soul, need and longing...

14/5/06
todae is mothers dae and my mum went for a wedding dinner so i ended up spending my time with jamie and after tat with yolanda's family... it was a real nice time... it was quality time spent together as a family which i have neva done with mine for the longest time...

i want to be more like you...

4/5/06
hey peeps!! listen to this story...this is a conver from Ivan!! its real cool!!

one night i was lying on my bed and i had this spiritual encounter.Being a new christian, i was super freaked out... i didn't know what to do.. at that time i just knew shout and open up my eyes when i was lying on my bed.. and i was feeling this black mist moving towards me..when it came closer, i felt very suffocated..The closer, the more suffocated.Each time i closed my eyes, it felt like hands coming to suffocate me la! when i opened my eyes, it was gone so luckily,i had my handphone beside me which is quite funny because i don't usually put my handphone beside to sleep. i'll charge it on the table.. so, that night i had no way out and it was freaking late already... so i decided to call someone! i called Charleston first, but he was asleep. like what i was planning to do... so next person i thought of calling was Pastor Lia! but you know... i was a new christian and my mindset of a pastor is rather... i thought she's a distant figure like someone who won't relate but to cut the long story short... too freaky so i just dialled Pastor Lia's number. Pastor Lia answered la! wahhs..alright... this time abit funny she knew it was me... she knew something's happening and SHE KNEW I WAS FREAKED OUT BEING ON THE PHONE WITH HER also Pastor Lia was in the middle of something, she told me to wait for awhile while she leaves what she's doing. wow damn touched so she spoke to me... taught me about the power of the blood of Jesus taught me how to pray, and then prayed with me on the phone phrase by phrase, loved me and affirmed me.. touching man.. then after i prayed against that black mist, she asked me how i was feeling and all i told her i felt peace... but still abit scared... so she led me in another prayer this time she prayed and blessed me... prayed for protection for me. wow.. the phone call was super long then after that, shared with me what she feels about everything... and encouraged me to keep going on... she was sharing i just got onfire and things are happenening to stumble me so that night i slept .... WITH THIS PEACE i've never felt before the next morning, Pastor smsed me again encouraged me yet agian that changed a few things in me
1) my mentality of Pastors... not distant anymore... moreover it's like 1230am i called her i remembered.
2) I encountered God... that incident showed me how real God is basically everything brought me closer to God and closer to Pastors amazing right?
Many of them think that Pastors are some distant figure.. too busy... only talk to the leaders but that's all not true.. lengthen the cords!!! we have wonderful Pastors.Back in henderson we used to hang out in church after youth group (no service yet)... 12 to 2 and we'll hang out until evening. One sunday, a few of us were just lazing around, some sleeping, some playing games.. Pastor How came out of his office and spoke with us. Then seeing that we're bored, he played games with us, he gathered everyone.. and he thought us this game... chop chilli chop.That is how the CG game we play nowadays come about. so Pastor How played with us... then he was very funny...you have to understand last time, when you mention Pastor How, we all freak out... He came and his actions damn funny one he'll stand up.... turn around pinch his nose then all of us will be laughing like mad then he taught us another game so it was very amazing... just a good normal day... A Pastor came and played with kids... sec 1's oldest was sec 3 or 4 hmm i tell you one more.. anyway it's amazing la... who in the world will care about a couple of bored kids... All of us know that Pastor Lia's a softball player back then, there use to be this huge field behind the henderson building. One day after service Pastors brought us to play softball with her then Pastor How played soccer with us too it was damn fun la... we're all super young and it looked like a couple with their kids.. got one more funny one personal example..I was on PA and i was suppose to ASSIST pastor. That day Pastor ASSISTED his PA i didn't know how to iron his shirt. first time!!! he got to teach me and guess what? i melted his button EXPENSIVE SHIRT PLS i thought Pastor will kill me.but he just smiled and said he was very proud of me because i admitted but it was super funny hahaha then got one's about Dom. Dom was very tired one sunday because he worked late that sat night. After service he was dying already. Pastor got Dominic into their office and got him to sleep there while they do their work then i remembered they drew the curtains and all.. gave Dom blanket.. i entered the room and was like stunned then Pastor Lia went "SHHh!!!!!" one more..so funny la.. we didn't know how to dress up Pastor will bring us for shopping trips man then teach us what is what.. what's in and what's not which kind of shirt will suit us and which kind not. then once... Pastors were shopping and they thought of me. I received a call and they call me to go to their house so i went and they surprised me with a shirt. Black shirt with alot of funny colors infront. The leaders call it the peacock shirt. Pastor Lia was saying,"you know i walked passed the shirt and i thought to myself,"that's so ivan!"" Pastors do think of us alot man.. got another very fun one... one night.. there's superbowl Pastor How knew none of us watch american football but so funny he ask us if we wanted to watch accompany him so cool right like our friend so we went to his house at midnight and we ate and watched he taught us all the rules... all the strategies. He just thought of us and call us... casual thing... cannot make it nevermind one so you see... Pastors really treat us like their friends. Also got one occasion Pastor Lia called me Charlston Garrett Dom and Jian She ask us if we're free to go down to her house and have coffee we're like stunned. I and dom didn't go in the end but then i heard they chatted through until 3am and there'll be lots of occasion when we will be at Pastor's house and we'll fall asleep next thing you know, you have a pillow. damn cool la i was there at pastor's place.Once,they just went shopping. so they were showing me their clothes then they got few of us to try on all the clothes they bought like models man.. there's this once, Pastor brought me, dom and a few others to hyatt hotel to have dinner we were like... wow so ex la then we took very long to decide... i was looking at dom and he was looking at me don't know what to do then Pastor just said "just order.. don't worry about the price.." faints.. one nasi lemak was like 17 dollars! then after that we went CK TANG this time just walk walk Pastors will be holding hands then we'll be walking with them so cool then we went to the men's section... then the women's section then very embarrassing Pastors will be teasing us.. say next time will bring wife and have to follow them to women's section.. there's once we happened to eat at this indian restaurant at bukit merah centre we tried the tea there.you know Pastor Lia loves tea? it was super nice we went back and told Pastor there's this shop nad blah bvlah lahadsfdsa then she said,"we all go together" so that sunday after svc we went WE = WHOLE YOUTH CHURCH we packed the place man LIKE 60 or us? then so cool, i was with Pastor then they say, you sit in my car la so you can see this whole mob walking from henderson to bukit merah centre.oh ya... back then, there's this daytona craze. After service, Pastor will have their own outings with us there's this once we were at the arcade. then we all played daytona Pastor Lia trashed all of us la we were like AGAIN!!! but we lost again. Everytime we play we lost so funny man...Pastors play arcade where to find man oh ya... then when we were little boys, Pastor How will teach us how to carry ourselves. Same for the girls.. Pastor Lia will do it. how to talk... how to smile..lifeskills la..how to look attractive la.. just to tease us and all then i remembered after that meeting we went swimming we're suppose to swim for one end to another in one breath then PAstor How trashed us. then also, there's diving Pastor dives so nicely man hardly any splash!!! seriously.. then when we do it, it's like crap then very funny.. all of us will be in shorts then Pastor in trunks then he'll be like,"wow... why you all shorts... "MAN wear trunks..." from that day on, we won't shy anymore super funny la you never thought Pastors will be so funny and relational.. he just know exactly how we feel.there's this time, Pastor How had a very good deal i think fo buffet then he thought of us straight away he brought a few of us... those eat alot one.. with him then we just wack everything down la Pastor How was like giving up already then he was so stunned we could go on and on and on. oh i must tell you i went coldstorage with Pastor. He was topping up for the house.. so funny one... i won't understand a single thing.. Pastor will be teaching me all the diff kinds of vege and fruits... which brand of sauce's the best then when we're back in office he'll make salad then he'll get me into the office and treat me to some. many times don't dare to eat with them... there's this once Pastor cooked and call Jiaxin to eat also then Jiaxin was like eating at the kitchen than Pastor told her,"EAT WITH ME AT THE DINING TABLE!!!!!! YOU ARE NOT MY SERVANT!" when i heard that i was....I LOVE MY PASTORS MAN!!! many times Pastor Lia will tell us how much she respects us she'll say like she won't be able to do all the thigns we're doing now. lots more examples. Pastor Lia will share with me how she got to know Pastor How. that one super long la.. Then very cute and funny one next time!!!! then how Pastor Lia will think this guy is cute... hashas... funny la Then show us photos of the old Pastor How..tease Pastor How.. they really showed me what a real family is because many of us don't come from very good families.. oh recently... i was at coldstorage with Pastor Lia she was asking... vern you hungry initially i said no then we walked passed the section where they sell the pizzas, chicken, etc then Pastor Lia was telling me,"Vern ah... i buy we share?? want want?" then i was like..."oh man! so tempting..." so we bought... later Pastor Lia turned to me and say,"Say not hungry... see chicken already want to eat..." i didn't know what to say then we were in the car, eating the chicken so funny, Pastor How will be driving then Pastor Lia will feed him then when we're not doing well in school, Pastor will help us Get church ppl to teach us then there's this point of time she was looking for professional teacher to teach us. we went sentosa last year than Pastors will play basketball with us. really play tackle us, reject our ball , offer us suntan lotion alot of crap we all do together one last one. hmmm oh ya... some of us don't really come from very privileged family sometimes so we don't have money to eat at all. Pastor will give us money and tell us to go and have a good meal like parents lorz not always of course la... sometimes bring us to have dinner like for me, financially my family was not doing very well Pastor knew that i have no pocket money. one day when i was in church, they got me into their office and they share with me how they feel... loved me... tell me it's ok... and blessed me. ya lorz. Pastor can't stand seeing us depriving ourselves of things they don't want us to see ourselves lower than our peers because of our family backgrounds. damn cool that's all man i have lots more stories i'm very privilege to have a personal relationship with Pastors. you too. Pastor Lia have invested so much.. perhaps more into us la because we were there when the church is small. nowadays Pastors still do all these just that you guys may not know.yeah man... we always work with PAstors so here and there we know.

yup!! tats the conver... after reading all this... it just makes me think of alot of things... people always feel tat pastors are very distant figures.. but tats wat most people think.. most of the time we always put this barrier before us--a self-barrier, which cause us to abstrain ourselves, thinking tat they are too holy or they are boring to even talk to... but tats not the case at all... i mean just look at my pastors!! after reading this stories... i hope it gave everyone a new image of PASTORS=)i LOVE them... they simply just ROCK!!
there was this part where Ivan say Pastors are still going out with some of us just tat we donno... this brings me to another thought where Jamie shared with me tat she was eating with Pastors and a few more people at girraffe... this incident really does show tat they have been going out with people just tat few people knew bout it...and people think tat astors no longer do it.. this brings us to another point tat we have to lenghtened our cords to the leaders and they would always share with you about those amazing dinners with pastors where they can just recieve and learn so much from them.
another thing i thought about was the black figure...reading it over and over again build up alot of fear in me... i was just about to do my quiet time but fear was overwhelming me... i didnt even dare to close my eyes thus i could not worship him properly... i called polly because i have spoken to her not long ago, and she prayed for me and after tat i decided to pray strongly in tongues, worship God and pray for other people...haha.. though me and polly held the phone while doing all those i couldnt really feel the existance of it. the time was really meaningful and the Presence of God was strong

5/5/06
because of all those things tat happen(above) i slept at 4am in the morning... i didnt have school todae because i have no exams... but before i knew it my mum woke me up at 8am and was trying to get me out of bed to study and did not allow me to sleep.i was really tired and was having a throbbing headache.. when i told my mum i slept at 4 she said i must have spent the whole night having fun on msn talking nonsence... i was really quite pissed... like the night before i was having such a meaningful time talking to leaders, spending time with God and i was praying for her too! and she said i was having fun on msn tats why i had headache....but in actual fact i have been having headache for quite a long time already...just tat she didnt remember... but anywayz... she said some other stuff which made me cry... i just lay on my bed... asking God to help me to go back to sleep because i was wide awake and i couldnt sleep with tat headache.moreover i had other plans for te later put of the day and i certernly could not risk having a headache.each warm tear tat tinkled down remind me once again tat it is jotted in heaven wat each tear was for..as i lay there, i felt God's Presence hugging me, telling me everything was alright and tat He was there with me.i finally fell back asleep.=)

each leader has their own story to tell=) a life-changing story....

30 minutes later, i was awoken by my mother once again... this time she came stomping into my room looking for her room phone..and before i knew it... she started saying some stuff which hurt me again... this time it was rather bad... i was left lying helplessly on my bed... i stood up,and started stumbling towards the toilet(i couldnt walk straight) to wash my face, i decided to on christian music on the way back and than stumbled back to my bed again. anyone who had seen me than would have think tat i was on my way to a mental-emotional break down. as i lay on my bed i could not help but continued crying in the most unglam manner... my foot was banging the wall and all tat came out of my mouth was 'i dont want!! i dont want!!'i was just like a little girl crying out helplessly to my daddy up there. as the music played, i began to quieten down both inside and outside... once again his presence and love filled the entire room... there was a sudden peace inside me.The next thing i knew i was packing up my room and my sister entered.she asked me wat to do for mother's day... i think she was rather surprised because it was like a sudden peace tat was going on and she knew wat was going on with my mum just before tat too...i had no idea why she came to ask me about mother's day because it would have been the worst time... but somehow things worked out different then.. there is no other explanation but God...we can all feel it and there is no deniel...thank you thank you so much..

later tat daE, I went to meet Priska(really love her house),polly and yo... seeing her just makes me realise how much i have missed her..love you priska!!=)

in my life there is two incidents where i was left in my room crying out hysterically and so helplessly...not tat it was the worst situations in my life but are situations tat caught me unaware leaving me there helpless like a little girl. it probably would not have been so bad if it happened later in the day but it happened and woke me up. when people just wakes up, it is the time where they can be caught most unawared and unprepared for the trails of the world.one of the incidents happened real late in the night and this, real early in the morning.both times i cried out to God... and never once he failed me... he was always so ready to carry me in his arms telling me everything was all right.

I shared this stories to tell u guys how much HE loves you...go to him in times where u are caught most unaware at... dont forget him and try to handle everything in your own hands by your own strength..at the end of the day, u will realise all this incidents truly brings you closer to HIM.

my life has been going through moments where just leads me to a break down...my family relations seems to be torn apart... my friendships in school somehow seems to be torn apart too..(just tat people dont realise and see it but i can feel it...) my studies is in a mess too.. looking at all this situation builds up alot of anxiety on how to get everything right back into place... onto track..and because so many things altogether has been put right at your face... u noe u have to rely on God but sometimes you actually dont really do it because u dont have tat total let go and let God handle EVERYTHING!! worst thing is you dont realise it...

he is my only source..

tomorrow is ss exams and i am still far backward... i felt like i wasted my whole dae because i wasnt feeling well and slept it through... and i needed to study right now! but i couldnt bring myself to do it because i decided tat i really really needed to ask for his strength.. i felt like i am standing on the edge of the cliff... i single slight push and i would be gone.. it is this short time of 7 to 8 minutes when i poured out to him and ask for strength and faith... bit by bit faith started to build up and rise...i have neva felt so comfortable in the longest time... a peace that surpasses all understanding...my yolk is easy and my burden is light...

thank you... thank you so much...